Homeschooling a Large Family

A smattering of randomness of things that worked or didn’t work, words that have encouraged me, things I've learnt, musings and my own opinions born out of personal experience...

The Country School (1871) by Winslow Homer

The big advantage to teaching your children at home from the very start is that you grow into homeschooling and you're not suddenly faced with having to teach three or four different grade levels while still having to care for a toddler and a baby. The children get used to having a routine, helping out around the house, and get a head start with the process of self-education.

I've had a number of friends whose children had previously been in a school setting and home education looked different in their homes, although there are some common ground areas large families share. What I’m writing here is my experience, in the context of being responsible for a large family, of how I handled a span of ages and stages, the high school years and the longevity challenge. 

Philosophy

Why am teaching my children?

We had almost zero encouragement to homeschool when we first started. If I hadn't known the 'why’ - that this was what God was pleased to have me do, I wouldn't have lasted. Opposition strengthened me and even though I felt hurt by it, it forced me to lean into God and make sure I had His approval.

Will my philosophy enable my children to be initiators or will it encourage them to be passive?

Are my children learning to make the effort to learn for themselves?

Will my philosophy of education produce the end result I want to see in my children?

The outcome or fruit of how we teach our children isn’t always obvious in the early stages. We often want to see instant progress but educating our children is like sowing a seed and it takes time to develop and blossom. It is an act of faith. I look at my adult children and see not just what my husband and I sowed into their lives but something unique that we didn't put there.

All seven of our children have had a similar education. They've read classic literature, Shakespeare, Plutarch (the youngest 4); memorised Scripture & poetry, studied their various musical instruments; gained proficiency in maths; practiced writing; learnt how to cook and do household repairs & renovations.

As of the beginning of 2023, all our children have graduated and went on to do very different things. Five went to university, one completed a cadetship which paid him while he studied, one did a plumbing apprenticeship. We had no idea earlier on what vocations they would eventually follow but that was probably a good thing as we weren't tempted to confine their learning to certain parameters. Our plumber learnt some valuable lessons from Plutarch, gained good observational skills from nature study and played double bass in an orchestra.

The Culture of Entertainment & Entitlement

I had a friendly argument a few years ago with another home educator who believed that education should be fun. That was her philosophy. If I taught my kids only what they wanted to learn or only what they enjoyed or found entertaining, they would probably be illiterate and I'd be exhausted.

My children knew that if they did what was required of them and didn’t muck around, there would be plenty of time for them to pursue their individual interests.

There is no education but self-education and only as the young student works with his own mind is anything effected.   

— Charlotte Mason

One of my sons once commented on the lack of motivation he saw in some young fellows of his own age. They spend their weekends playing computer games and expect opportunities to fall into their laps and aren't willing to work at something. A culture of entitlement feeds the idea that some work isn't worth the effort and is beneath them and makes me wonder what philosophy of education was behind their schooling.

Older children set the tone in the family - habits, attitudes, obedience, responsibility - if you get these things established in the older children the younger ones pick it up and make your job a lot easier.

Work ethic - a large family can be a great training ground. Lots of people make lots of work. I'm amazed that so many families don't expect their kids to pull their weight around the house. If our kids didn't help out this place would have fallen around our ears well before now.

Routines

My eldest was 4 years old when I started teaching her to read. I had a 2-year-old and a newborn at the time. It only took a few minutes each day. I added in a little maths and piano that year and we continued to read aloud, something I’d started when she was very little.

We did this with the younger children in the room and as we continued with this routine, the younger ones would be added in as they got a little older. It was a natural progression and I never had any of them not want to do 'their maths’ or not want to listen to our read aloud.

We tended to homeschool all year round, taking holidays when my husband had time off plus a larger break over Christmas. If we were at home and Dad was at work, it was a ‘school day’ and they'd get on with Maths, reading, writing & music, first thing.

The older ones would get on with their individual work and I'd help the younger ones. At some time during the day we'd have devotions, memory work and poetry together and then have a read aloud time.

When we had a few older children with various commitments and activities it didn't always work to homeschool year-round but it made sense in the early years.

I tended to pitch our read aloud times to the eldest, edit when necessary and include everyone. Sometimes the younger ones seemed to tune out, playing with their Matchbox cars and Lego but it was surprising how much they absorbed.

Two thoughts have helped me many times:

1)  I'll always have time for the things I put first - even at my busiest times, everything was generally manageable if my priorities were right. Some things I had no control over - sickness for example, but that was just for a season even though it felt like an eternity at the time. Some things can be insidious, and we don't realise how much time they are consuming. They might be perfectly worthy things in themselves, but they've displaced the more important things and have stolen the time that should have been spent on them. Every so often I jotted down what I was doing throughout the day in order to see how I'd spent my time. It's incredible how quickly time gets chewed up just checking emails or looking up prices for products online. I've only been using the computer regularly in recent years but before that my time was often chewed up on the phone.

2) Do the next right thing - This was something I gleaned from Elisabeth Elliot's writing and my husband often quoted it to me. I have a type of paralysis that  keeps me from making decisions and acting on them at times. It all seems too much and I dither. This little thought gave me direction and helped me get over the hump.

Reading is foundational

If you can read well you can teach yourself just about anything. I was always serious about getting this nailed and most of my children learned to read without much drama between the ages of 4-7, except for one. I almost despaired of him ever being literate. He would have fallen through the cracks if he'd been in school but teaching him at home allowed him to learn without labels. Reading aloud was high on my list with him and he didn't miss out on all the good books his siblings read. Out of all my children, he remembers the most poetry, Bible passages and plots of just about every story he'd heard.

Maths

This is another foundational area. A little bit, every day and even the children that didn’t seem mathematically inclined at first eventually became adept. When I realised I had a late reader I homed in on his maths and he was ahead in that subject for years until his reading caught up. It was something he could excel in, not because he was a maths whizz but because it was here a little, there a little, and he added to his proficiency each day. It also took away the sting of not being able to read.

I read an article once on homeschooled children and their weak spots and one of the points made was that home educated children weren't used to time limits. I thought Maths speed drills were an easy way to start to implement time limits - just a little thing, but it worked.

Timed essays came later in the high school years and these helped with brainstorming and getting their thoughts down quickly. Sometimes a little pressure helps get the creative juices flowing especially if you have a procrastinator on your hands.

Organisation

I think this is overrated. I've known some very well organised people (on paper) but if all that planning doesn't translate into getting the job done, it's a waste of time. I'm all for improvement and making life easier but sometimes getting stuck into something without having perfectly executed plans makes more sense than trying to organise everything to the nth degree. Why use all your energy planning and have none left over for the implementation?

I was surprised one day when a friend shared her six-year plan for one subject and I know for a fact that it was never implemented. But it was beautifully done...

I'm not a great planner and I'm not a naturally organised person. I am tidy, which helps. And I like my house to look pleasant and inviting. My lack of expertise in the organisational side of things has been overshadowed by other strengths, habits and routines and I don't get depressed over what I'm not good at.

My desire was to teach my children and to do it well.

(Chaos is not good and demonstrates a mental state as opposed to an outward condition of physical disorganisation.)

Other thoughts

There was very little home school material in Australia for the first few years of our time homeschooling, but I knew what a living book was, and we spent our money on building up a good library at home. And then building more bookshelves...

Social Aspects

I don’t mean ‘What about socialisation?' in the way it is usually implied. I wanted my children to be socially adept in any situation they find themselves in, no matter if they are introverted or extroverted by nature. It was important to me that my children were initiators.

Our schools turn out a good many clever young persons, wanting in nothing but initiative, the power of reflection and the sort of moral imagination that enables you to ‘put yourself in his place.' 

Charlotte Mason

How do they treat children younger than themselves? Do they include others or cause division?

If there were new children at church, I expected my children to make them welcome. If we had a family with little children come to visit, I expected my older ones to find activities everyone could play. If we opened our home for hospitality (when all our children still lived at home) we’d ask them all to be home for the meal and help to make our visitors feel at home. Last Sunday, a friend’s adult son came along to church for the first time. I was talking to someone after the service & planned to go over and say hello as he was looking a bit self-conscious. Before I had the chance I noticed my eldest son had beat me to it.

Some people are initiators by nature (they’re possibly in the minority) but I believe it’s something we can all grow into. It’s a skill that if taught in childhood will become a conscious habit regardless of a child’s nature. As Charlotte Mason expressed above, it’s the sort of moral imagination that enables you to ‘put yourself in his place.' 

Criticism

I say this carefully - sometimes or our children will be criticised and there will be a grain of truth in it. My husband's outspoken Grandmother once made a comment to me about one of our children. I reacted inside but I knew she cared about her grandchildren and later on I saw past her bluntness and realised what she said was true. It was nothing earth shattering but one of my boys used to tease his younger sister who over-reacted. I'd only seen my daughter's reaction and was blind to what caused it. Sometimes someone outside of our immediate situation may see things we don't. However, there are some people whose criticism I just don't take any notice of. If there's a trustworthy person who has your children's interests at heart their input could be valuable.

Mother Culture

Keeping my mind active is important; reading, discussing ideas with older children.

It would seem as if we mothers often simply made for ourselves the difficulties we find in after life by shutting our minds up in the present. What we need is a habit of taking our minds out of what one is tempted to call "the domestic rag-bag" of perplexities, and giving it a good airing in something which keeps it "growing."

 Parents Review

I enjoy a good conversation over a cup of tea, talking about books or doing some patchwork & quilting alongside a friend. A good walk refreshes me and also some time out with my husband on our own. I enjoy having people I don't know over for a meal especially if it's on the spur of the moment because I do better with meal preparation if I don't have to think too much about it beforehand.

Having teenaged children in the home is wonderful - well, apart from their frequent aberrations that come and go during these years. They do better when they're all together because the older ones remember what a pain they were at the same stage their younger brothers & sisters are going through and say so. There’s a lot of laughter when everyone is around.

Longevity - keeping the momentum going, not shortchanging the youngest children because you've lost steam after homeschooling all the others, using time wisely now there are no babies & toddlers, encouraging younger mothers as they start out, keeping my own enthusiasm for learning...these are things I have thought about and worked on as our children matured.

There is no sadder sight in life than a mother, who has so used herself up in her children's childhood, that she has nothing to give them in their youth.

(Parents Review)