Preparing for Change
I've often thought that the one constant in my life is change.
The Mantelpiece by Anne Redpath, c. 1947
I’ve been thinking about being prepared or anticipating change. I remember saying a number of times that the one constant in my life as a mother & a home educator was change. The years with a houseful of little children did seem like a permanent situation at one stage, but then teenagers appeared and then adults. Why did this surprise me? I suppose I was so caught up in everyday life that I didn’t give it much thought.
I’ve enjoyed having teens and young adults at home and was quite happy not to be running after little ones. I love the toddler years but now that I have grandchildren, I get to have to pleasure of having them in my life without all the hard stuff like sleepless nights.
I’ve had some opportunities lately of watching others struggle with change. A friend of mine tied her identity to her role of being a mother. Her children grew up, like they’re supposed to, but she was not prepared for this change in her life. I quoted in a previous post that,
‘'There is no sadder sight in life than a mother, who has so used herself up in her children’s childhood, that she has nothing to give them in their youth.’
We need to anticipate change and prayerfully prepare for it. That might be working on our own intellectual growth so that we can have intelligent discussions with our older children, or it could be preparing ourselves for when our children become adults and start making their own way in life.
During the past year I’ve been working a few hours each week as a support worker for older people who want to continue to stay at home but need some assistance to do so. I’ve had three situations where the elderly people I care for should have prepared themselves for change years ago. Now they live in homes that are too large, too old, or totally unsuitable for someone who has impaired mobility.
Of course, life sometimes surprises us with the unexpected, things we can’t foresee, but in those things that are inevitable - children growing up and different seasons of life for us - we can prayerfully consider, ask for wisdom and not put our heads in the sand.
There are times when we say, "no one told me it was going to be like this!" and this is perhaps one of those times. It may be that those who do not homeschool (and even some who do) have this sense of uncertainty for their future without kids at home. But in my experience those parents with public schooled kids tend to say things more along the lines of "I can't wait to have an empty nest!" and then tell of all the things they will be doing *without* their kids. But homeschoolers (and dare I say CM ones) are different. We *like* our children and we enjoy their company. We feel that our lives are intertwined in a way that once they leave the nest, well, there will be a very definite hole. What are we to do with ourselves at that point? I think your post here is good to bring attention to the need of parents, but especially mothers, to think about not centering their identity on being a homeschooler but rather a person- just like we see our children: Children are born persons. We need to be sure to foster our own selves, while helping our children with theirs, so that when the time comes (and it has to) when they leave, we will still be whole.