I was the eldest of seven children (as was my husband) so I thought I was well prepared to have my own children. That idea was shattered when I brought my newborn daughter home. My idealism gradually evaporated over the next few months as I realised that despite all the time I had around little children, it was not the same as having my own child with all the corresponding responsibilities.
It would have been helpful to have a trial run with our first, but she was our guinea pig, as we’ve told her many times. Six weeks ago she had her third child, but even after her first, I was struck by how well motherhood sat with her. I think it took me until our fourth child before I felt comfortable and semi-confident.
Years ago I was reading Psalm 16 and the sixth verse dropped into my spirit as a promise from God:
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.
Despite my unpreparedness for motherhood, my disrupted family life growing up, my parent’s marriage breakdown, my immaturity, my unrealistic expectations generally, my overconcern with how our children would turn out, by the grace of God that promise has been fulfilled.
I’ve noticed with parents that they sort of heave a sigh of relief when their children hit the age of eighteen and are ‘officially’ adults. Home educating parents celebrate their graduates as trophies of a job well done - their children got to this point without rejecting their faith and their parents are proud of them and they post their achievement on Instagram. I’ve done the same thing myself. But I discovered that the most important decisions our children make are when they are young adults. Work, travel, where they will live, and the choice of a spouse, are just some of the life-changing decisions they will make. For me the ages of 17 to about 22 years, depending on the individual, were the hardest. We get to the stage where we’re not parenting children anymore and while we can offer advice and coach from the sidelines, they ultimately make their own decisions and their own mistakes.
Another thing I’ve noticed is how unprepared many young people are for life’s hard knocks. In a culture that says, “You’re amazing!” “Follow your heart,” “You deserve…this, that and the next thing,” a knockback can decimate the unprepared. We will all experience loss, pain and disappointment at some stage. It shouldn’t come as a surprise.
Three days ago, our eldest son and his wife had their third son. I had my first hold of him today. (My husband was holding him first and gave him to me when he started crying!)
Seeing our older children have their own children despite our failings and inexperience has been an unexpected reward and joy. Our inheritance has extended to the next generation with our six grandchildren. It’s been a bumpy ride at times, but the journey has certainly been worth it.
For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes? Is it not you? Indeed, you are our glory and joy.
I Thessalonians 2: 19-20
What a blessing! Congratulations!
I've been listening to a sermon by John MacArthur -- actually reading through it now -- and he talked about how mothers are preserved -- mitigate the curse through childbirth -- by raising up godly generations of children. And see here, that is what you are doing.
Congratulations! I’m about to hit this stage, too, as my first grandchild is due in June. 😊